Tuesday, 12 July 2011


I remember my first glimpse of independence came from being allowed to pick up the house phone, soon after, realising I couldn’t speak my mother tongue well with random ‘Aunties' and consequently avoiding every phone call, diminishing my first real chance of responsibility. 

Next came being left alone in the house...for half an hour.  I put my favourite music on loud (maybe with a few swear words :o ), called my friends (all of whom were busy, why does that always happen when I’M free?) and then... KNOCK KNOCK, look through the window to see a random man standing at the front door.  Obviously a rapist.  Definitely going WITH Mum to Asda next time.

Then comes the time when your older sibling learns to drive.  Let’s go for a cruise!  Roll the windows down... “Ok, don’t attract too much attention.”  Blast the music... "Don’t blow my speakers!”  “We’re going to go the long way round to Asda, that’s our cruise!” YAY.

I think I’ll just stick to the privacy I get in the comfort of my own home, the only place I can lock myself away... in the bathroom.

Friday, 1 July 2011

White Lie

So the other day I was asked about the last time I wet myself.   I distinctly remember a time I made up what I considered to be a genius lie to hide it.  It was on a SUNNY day in year three of primary school.  The last lesson of the day was P.E and so I was in my tracksuit bottoms waiting for the teacher to shut up and send us home.  She just wouldn’t shut up and yes, I wet myself.  Stupidly thinking my mother wouldn’t notice (that the SUN would dry it within 5minutes) I walked out of school casually with dampened tracksuit bottoms and greeted her.  She took me to the side and asked me why my tracksuit was wet and I simply replied “because it was RAINING”.