Tuesday, 12 July 2011


I remember my first glimpse of independence came from being allowed to pick up the house phone, soon after, realising I couldn’t speak my mother tongue well with random ‘Aunties' and consequently avoiding every phone call, diminishing my first real chance of responsibility. 

Next came being left alone in the house...for half an hour.  I put my favourite music on loud (maybe with a few swear words :o ), called my friends (all of whom were busy, why does that always happen when I’M free?) and then... KNOCK KNOCK, look through the window to see a random man standing at the front door.  Obviously a rapist.  Definitely going WITH Mum to Asda next time.

Then comes the time when your older sibling learns to drive.  Let’s go for a cruise!  Roll the windows down... “Ok, don’t attract too much attention.”  Blast the music... "Don’t blow my speakers!”  “We’re going to go the long way round to Asda, that’s our cruise!” YAY.

I think I’ll just stick to the privacy I get in the comfort of my own home, the only place I can lock myself away... in the bathroom.

Friday, 1 July 2011

White Lie

So the other day I was asked about the last time I wet myself.   I distinctly remember a time I made up what I considered to be a genius lie to hide it.  It was on a SUNNY day in year three of primary school.  The last lesson of the day was P.E and so I was in my tracksuit bottoms waiting for the teacher to shut up and send us home.  She just wouldn’t shut up and yes, I wet myself.  Stupidly thinking my mother wouldn’t notice (that the SUN would dry it within 5minutes) I walked out of school casually with dampened tracksuit bottoms and greeted her.  She took me to the side and asked me why my tracksuit was wet and I simply replied “because it was RAINING”.

Thursday, 30 June 2011


I am thankful and privileged to have been blessed with a Nan I have been brought up with and who I am close to.  These are just a few things which make me smile in her company:

Her Food
Is SO good sometimes I think my Nan should open her own restaurant.  Although, it would definitely have to be called something along the lines of “You better try everything I’ve made for you or I WILL force feed you until you’re full to the top of your oesophagus.”

Her Phrases
When trying to discipline; “No Hanky Panky please”
Whenever you make a mistake; “Is this how you’re going to act when you’re married?”
When you have visitors that you only see every ten years “You two are both girls, make ‘friends friends’ with her, she is only a decade younger than you”

Her Good Advice
I’ve been told to “Squeeze your nose everyday when you wake up, it’ll get smaller” and learnt that 7Up is the cure to everything :)

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

I’m Tall?

Ever got annoyed with someone for stating the obvious?  How about when you haven’t seen an ‘Aunty’ since you were born and they say “haven’t you grown?”  In Asian culture, anything over the height of 5ft is considered tall, so being a 5ft8 Asian female never fails to bring up a conversation with anyone I haven’t seen for a while. 
At a wedding; “Wow, I like your clothes, what material is it made from?”
 “Wow, your hair looks nice with that random gingery blonde mehndi (henna) stained streak”
And to me... “Woah!  Are you wearing heels?  No?!  What are you like 7ft?  You're tall!” 

Thank you, I didn’t know already.  Sometimes I’ve considered with stating the obvious myself; “Aunty-jee, is that hairy mole on your face new?  It really brings out the colour in your eyes.” 

Monday, 27 June 2011

Maintaining Youthful Beauty

As it is finally becoming sunnier in this country I advise you all not to squint unless you want crow’s feet.  How about investing in some sunglasses?  In addition, do not let your eyebrows sink or be stretched too far up your face.  It’s not nice to have a constantly surprised look upon your face which also contributes to premature grooves in your forehead neither is it nice to not know where your eyebrows finish and eyelashes start.  So keep a balance. We are in the era of texting late at night, and I have found that as I am slowly falling asleep, I tend to only open one eye in order to read and reply.  A good idea, but be sure not to overuse one particular eye for keeping open or you may find that over time that eye may become bigger than the other.  Finally, to those with thin lips, start pouting in order to encourage lip growth.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

New Parenting Skills

Why is it that we like eating the things that are bad for us more than what is good for us?  This has led our society into a mild case of depression as we often crave what is bad for us.  I believe it has stemmed from our parents telling us we are only allowed a chocolate after we have finished our dinner or when we have been good.  From an early age we are taught that chocolate is so good it is only allowed on special occasions.  So, why not turn this around.  To my generation, when we have our children, try telling them that if they are good they will be allowed to have a carrot and then, in the future we would have produced a much happier generation where the food they love will not be an indulgence they feel guilty about.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Salan Fountain

Every girl dreams about her wedding day.  I definitely want mine to be original.  As it seems to be a new craze to have a chocolate fountain with an assortment of fruit on sticks for afters, why not use this idea to its full potential?  Why stop at chocolate fountain?  I propose to have a fountain as the centre piece on every table starting with a chutney flow for the chicken tikka and kebabs, then maybe a Salan (curry) flow for the chapati/ naan bread and THEN the chocolate flow.

Thursday, 23 June 2011

I'm Going Out

I've always dreamed of leaving my house spontaneously and call back to anyone listening "I'm going out" without any hassle.  But frankly, that isn't possible when living with typical Asian parents.  As far as I'm concerned there are 3 main reason why these parents say NO.

1) You will be classed as a "loafer" by society.
This is neither referring to a type of shoe nor a "loaf er bread".  This is someone who looks as if they have no purpose to their life and has nothing better to do than walk around aimlessly when they should doing some kind of work.

2) You have already been out once in the past month.
You have to tell your un-Asian friend, "I'm sorry I can't meet you in our hometown for a couple of hours today as I have already been to Marks&Spencer with my mum last week to return something."

3) There is no reason.
There's no responsibilites at home, you've got suitable transport to get there and back, there won't be anyone of the opposite sex there, you'll be home before it gets dark.  But "NO, because I said so."

Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Hi There

The clue is in the name, welcome to my brain... or lack of.  This blog is for those who are open minded to wonderfully stupid ideas.  I hope after reading it, you will get an insight of what goes on in my head and wonder what my mother always wonders; "where did we get her from?"  Well... lets not go there :/